I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
