Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
did i walk over a car last night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
