I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
