we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
