I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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