just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
