woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
