i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
