you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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