I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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