my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
