Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
