I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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