May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
