Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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