WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i think my cat just said my name.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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