your parents love me but you hate me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
