Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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