your parents love me but you hate me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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