Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
