Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
