I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
