the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
