im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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