We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
