I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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