Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
