there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Be still, my beating vagina.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sext me about skeletons
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
