I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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