Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
