I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Girls should come with a carfax report
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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