so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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