turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
