So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
