...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
