Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
