that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
