Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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