what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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