He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
