Duck Duck Cougar?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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