just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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