I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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