i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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