i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
