Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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