im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
