I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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