I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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