He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
