..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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