Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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