my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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